In the recent September/October 2011 issue of RELEVANT magazine, there was a very disturbing article entitled “The Secret Sexual Revolution” which unpacked a disconcerting fact that 95% of young unwed dating people in America between the ages of 18-29 are currently sexually active. However, this shouldn’t come as a huge surprise to us as Christians, since we are well aware of our cultures glorification of sexuality outside of marriage. However, a whopping 42% of those sexually active were those who claimed to be Christians! When the numbers are broken down even further RELEVANT”s research indicates that only 20% of all unmarried people claiming to be Believers are still virgins! That is scary and depressing news!
That is why when as song like “Just A Kiss” by Lady Antebellum arrives on the scene it is such a welcome breath of fresh air! Here we have a mainstream hit making pop/country band writing a song that conveys an abstinence message! Journey with me as we unpack it a little more in the following paragraphs.
The song begins finding our young protagonist singing about the struggle of temptation the is inevitable in any dating relationship, though I will point out that some decisions can be made to avoid some of these struggles in a moment, but first, here are the first two stanzas:
“Lyin' here with you so close to me
It's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe
Caught up in this moment
Caught up in your smile
I've never opened up to anyone
So hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms
We don't need to rush this
Let's just take it slow.”
First off, it probably is not a good idea to be snuggling up with your boyfriend or girlfriend in a vertical position. Paul teaches us in Ephesians 5:3 that “among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people” (NIV). Therefore, I can fairly easily conclude that putting oneself in a position of temptation is wrong in the eyes of God.
However, that being said, I like how this young women in a story recognizes she is being tempted, and admits she is struggling with her ability to ‘fight these feelings’ and ‘hold back’ yet she ultimately states ‘we don’t need to rush this, let’s just take it slow.” You see friends, Paul also realizes that sexual temptation is going to come upon us in this life, and while it is certainly best to take all precautions to prevent any hint of it in our lives, we are human and going to be tempted at times. That is why he wrote us instructions of what to do when we are tempted: “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6: 18 (ESV)) The young women in our song is telling her boyfriend to stop and ‘take it slow”
This point is driven home in the chorus:
“Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
Just a touch of the fire burning so bright
No I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
Just a shot in the dark that you just might
Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life
So baby I'm alright, with just a kiss goodnight”
What a great message to be bouncing around our countries radio airwaves. While she may not come right out and say ‘we aren’t going to have sex’, the subtle message of ‘baby I’m alright, with a just a kiss goodnight” certainly indicates a girl saying her boyfriend needs to leave after kissing her and nothing more. The bridges clarifies matters in my view:
“No I don't want to say goodnight
I know it's time to leave, but you'll be in my dreams
I like that! Honest, but still standing by her convictions! That is one of the biggest things sexual intercourse can do to people when it is outside of marriage, it leaves nothing left to “dream” about! The Christmas present has been opened way to early and there is no mystery left between the guy and girl anymore. It spoils everything!
I know one of the biggest things that I look forward to when God one day leads me into a special dating relationship will be the excitement and joy that comes from dreaming about the girl I am dating and leaving plenty of mystery to be discovered along the way, most of which will only be discovered if we get married. I have guidelines and precautions that I will be sure to follow when the time for dating comes that will help keep me pure, including but not limited to, being sure I am never alone with the girl anywhere where temptation could get the best of me. That is how I will model Ephesians 5:3 and 1 Corinthians 6:18 to the best of my human ability, while letting God into every area in that relationship. Thus, I will then be able to tell my girlfriend each time we part ways that I am ‘alright with just a kiss goodnight.”
To close this blog I want to be sure to end on a hopeful note. While 42% of Christians are in a current sexually active relationship, that is still less than half, which means the majority of Christians are still holding on to abstinence! However, I want to speak to those who may have already indulged in the act of sex either before they were a Believer, or in a moment of weakness after becoming a Christian. Let me tell you this: there is most definitely forgiveness in Christ. In 1 John 1:9 we are told that, “if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (emphasis mine).” That means pre-marital sex is included! While some will quip that a person can’t ever be a virgin again, and that is indeed true from a physical standpoint. However, emotionally and mentally I truly believe a person can have a mindset adjustment into living a life of purity from the moment they are cleansed by the Lord on, until the day they marry!